2010

Its not a new year until I sum up the last one, and make goals for the coming one.

2010....

I have a memory like nobody else.. for weird details, things that people dont need to remember. I remember my friends dogs names when we were like 5, I know everybody's middles names in my class growing up and birthdays- Im am epic at birthdays and middle names. I remember things that people have said. If I ever had a crush on you in the past 15 years then FOR SURE I still remember your middle name, birthday and phone number, and many things you have said to me, and if your my aunty Bonnie, I'll be like " hey your wearing your wedding earrings!" yep I was 5 at her wedding. Ask me what I learnt in a school textbook.. and the brain goes blank. The reason I write this, is that I remember exactly a year ago, like it was today. Ok maybe like yesterday. 2009 was pretty brutal, and I remember going into 2010 just praying it was gonna be better, and I had high hopes. I remember a couple days in- and i was crying like a baby again, cuz I just didn't know where my life was going :( Very lost is what I felt. However 14 days into January is when I bunkered down and booked my trip back to Australia! yay! knowing I was going back to Australia didn't solve all the problems, but it put light at the end of my tunnel. The tunnel still lasted the first couple months into 2010, thing after thing kept going wrong, (speeding tickets, financial junk, subletters bailing, job challenges) it was like I was trying to sail away upward and onwards but the anchor was still down holding me back; Then I moved home, put my life into a suitcase and flew away. Australia was a cure, and my year started to look very bright, I was believing in myself again, I had a couple weeks after coming home and before starting a new job to just unwind and feel like myself again, then came the nifty pool girl job, and even though that had a bumpy start I was quite content with what my year was turning out to be like.
I had 6 weddings this year, my new record.- in which any single friend that I previously had, got married, and at this point I can honestly say that out of my 20 closest friends, I have about 5 that are single... wait and 3 of those ones just got bfs/gfs lol.. so umm yup u get the picture. This is okay! but as I was talking to some of my married of course friends about this the other day, my biggest battle of 2010 is summed up in one word. Lonely. Part of it is self induced cuz I chose to move back home, which in turn moved me away from my awesome city social life..part of it is simply that married friends have less time, cuz they are doing married things, and the rest is my wacko jacko work schedule. I did however make lots of new friends, with work and travelling- and this I would put as a huge highlight in my year-" friends are like stars, the more you have the more twinkly your life is" -Sheila Barkman
I also got really goal oriented again, I thrive on goals, achiveable ones. After Australia my goal was to have 1000 bucks in my bank account again haha mainly cuz my piggy had no cha-ching in it after I came home and for the first time in forever I learnt what it was like to borrow money from my parents and live pay check to paycheck. After a couple months tho I dug my way out, and I decided to save up for a camera, which happened, and on September 13th, I very happily cleaned out my piggy bank for it- another highlight of 2010.
I started yet a new job in fall- hate starting new jobs, but I reckoned it was better then ei..
Falls when the word lonely started coming up more often, and boring, and "what on earth am i doing being a gas station girl?, wheres this gonna get me" type deal. Insert some tears and a lovely Christmas and you have the last part of 2010 summed up. SOOOOOOOOOO where's this leave my 2o10 sum up? how bout a much much much much better year then 2008 or 2009, but it started and ended off in abit of pathetic way. But the middle months were good! Like a good hamburger in the middle of moldy bread. Im not scarred by it though.
I dont know what kind of goals to make for 2011...
I got my photography course last week, they havent sent me everything yet though so I still havent started it really. so far it looks wicked intimidating, but i think Im gonna really throw myself into it and see what kind of photographer I become. Its corspondance, comes out of new york, they send you all your materials, and projects, "text books" etc with audio stuff and discs and whatever else,you take the pics and send them back and they critique them and give u feed back etc. Its going to feel like being in school again no doubt. This isnt really a goal for this year though, like yeah Im gonna be working on it this year, but its a big long course, its gonna take me more then a year to finish it. Ok im rambling, I really have no profound goals for this year. sure theres the obvious. I want to grow in my relationship with God, grow my hair 3 inches longer.. hey now theres an achievable goal! umm get a new job, as much as i hate starting new jobs, I think its a must for my dignity, I already know Im going on a trip, so I dont have to make that a goal... Oh one goal I did make is that Im gonna try to stop bashin myself.- its bad enough if other people bash me, but then for me to put myself down on top of that, is like a double dose of bash and totally unnecessary.. something Im gonna work on. OK so Im gonna leave this at this... sort of all over the place and very sappy and full of rambles, but hey its my blog, ill lay it down here if I want right?
PS. I feel better after I complain. So if it seems all I do on my blog is complain and vent- know that when Im done I feel much happier. Sorry that you get stuck with the negatives though.

Happy Happy New Year!
I think its gonna be an interesting ride, Im debating whether I'll need a seat belt for it.

Sorry for the lack of pictures, but my dial up has a hard time with that, or Id have done a pictures of my highlights type post.

later folks