Im not sure at what age your supposed to have a mid life crisis, I think its supposed to happen to men at the age of 45, like how women go into menopause and men have mid life crisis'.. don't quote me on it but I think I heard that somewheres...to be continued..
Australia was awesome, it was everything I could have wanted it to be and much more. It was so very good to be back there, and so very good to hang out with friends. It felt like I'd never left. The weather was great considering it was Autumn, and I got a good base tan for the summer :D To think, a month ago, I was on a sailboat...
I'll tell you this much.. sleeping on a sailboat, or maybe any smaller boat for that matter, is something unique. I don't know if I'll ever forget the feeling of that first night. I went to bed at 10pm, and fell asleep at 4am-ish. That was one night that I was begging God to calm the waves. Its an unsettling feeling (pardon the pun) to be almost rocked out of your bed, and because we were below deck, you can't see if the boat is actually about to tip over or if it just feels that way. Add a bunch of people snoring and things groaning and creaking and the sound of sloshing water, and that just about sums up my nights on that boat. An experience nonetheless.
Ive done a horrible job blogging... Im sorry.
My mid life crisis sums up something like this
I am 21.6 years old. Which puts me half ways to my 40's . I am young. This I know. I get told it very often. Especially when I make comments about all my friends being married, or not knowing what Im supposed to do with my life.. People take out their soothing voice and say..
"Don't worry Sheila, your still young"
I know.
Now lets go back a few years to when I was about 12 or 13. I looked at my future and reckoned this... I'd have a boyfriend at 16 (after all that was the ok to date age in my house) and then I'd get married at 19-20 and the kids would come a few years later. If I was lucky then somewhere in there I'd have a classy office job, and have a nice jolly life in my beautiful house, with a pool in the backyard of course. This is seriously what I thought, I kid you not. Its funny though now that I think of it, I never had it in my plans that I would travel, that only came to be after high school, perhaps my back up plan; seeing as the boyfriend didn't come at 16 haha.
The moral of this story is that Im very goal oriented, and I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to have my life figured out, or at least the next year of it (Unreasonable I know, but the pressures still there) I kind of get an idea of what my life should look like, I always have to have a plan, be it for next fall or next spring. hence my crisis of the hour.. What to do this fall??? Australia was my spring fling, but heaven forbid I dont have a plan for fall! If I had never ending dollars I would go on a missions trip this fall, the one I was hoping for starts September 20th.. Ideal. But I figured out while I was in Australia, that the reality of me saving up 10 grand over summer, just wasn't gonna happen, especially how its gonna take a couple more pay checks to pay off Australia's fun and games first. Perhaps my faith is lacking hardcore, actually thats not even a perhaps or maybe, thats a definate. Moving on..
Australia was a great break, it was a good way to end the year in the city, and an exciting start to a new chapter. Therefore I quickly had expectations that whatever I did now as 'post Australia' was gonna be exciting and good, no more moping-wishing I was in Australia stuff; I was gonna bring out my best attitude and start a new job with my best foot forward. Thus I got hired as Hecla Resorts Pool Girl. The first couple days were stellor, I was putting in overtime, and coming home all pumped with bunches of energy. Tonight I was coming home with tears, just to be brutally honest.
What gives?
I know this much... a huge part of it is the pressure, not just the pressure from my boss to "learn fast or f__ off" (learning fast isn't my specialty, being a slow learner is the reason that was given to me for being fired from that other job) but just the pressure I put on myself to be happy and to dig out a good attitude, and then theres the disappointment when things don't go as great as I thought they'd be.
I feel like Ive had enough of 'sucking it up and plowing through it anyway' as far as jobs are concerned. I know that I am fully capable of toughing out this job, just like before. No matter how much my boss or anybody else swears at me, or sleezy comments sent my way by drunken swimmers. I know I can.
But will I?
Should I?
I know theres no perfect job out there, Im not stupid, but somehow I feel like theres something else thats better for the kind of person I am, out there.
Anyway this is my midlife crisis, a bunch of raw emotions, its really late, I worked till 11 this evening, so perhaps these words are all laced with me just being tired, but this is just whats going thru my head now, and I felt like writing it down.
