Stress much?

So I will start off by saying I realize and understand there are many many people in this world in a bigger predicament or whatever that word is then I am in now. But heres mine anyway...
I dont have a job except for Tuesdays and Thursdays starting next week. Fact: I can't even make my core payments on that.... Another fact: I DONT KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN. Another another fact: I dont like this feeling at all.
Last night I went and dropped off a cazillion resumes at the mall, because Im thinking I'd like to work retail for the remainder of my city time.... Most of the places said they were indeed hiring....so thus the waiting game of Will they actually hire me? starts. There is something EXTREMLY humbling about walking into a store and instead of shopping and blowing up money, going up to the clerk and saying "Im looking for a job, and am wondering if your hiring?" I was amazed at how nice some people actually were. Although the manager of Le Chateau made me wanna curl up and cry, but it got easier the more places I went. At this point I only applied at the places where I think Id like to work cuz I figured if I apply someplace that I dont really want to work at, chances are, those are the ones that will call me.
I do have a back up back up plan of more nannying... but I so badly need to get away from kids and couches.
Tonight I went to Soul's Solace, they had a car rally... it was quite quite fun!

God has something up His sleeve.. again

So today one of my boss moms (the 3 days a week one) told me she has a new nanny starting in... 2 WEEKS! thats 6 months to early! the other mom (2 days)still wants to hold on to me till March like originally planned... today is shock day... tomorrow the stress will come on full fledge! At this point Im actually just quite curious as to what God has in mind for me at this point. Im not a big fan of surprises, kinda like having things all mapped out for months on end, but it wasn't to be. I have many thoughts, but none that are hitting ground yet.......
NOW what!?

21 years..con't

So when I was younger... like 10ish, I pictured myself to be in a way different spot then I am now. I reckoned back then that I'd be married with babies on the way by 21! But it wasn't to be I suppose. I had a great birthday, with many awesome friends that contributed to it. I still have a new birthday cheesecake in the fridge that hasn't been touched and the leftovers of another; it hasn't helped that I had no appetite this week... in fact ive been super weak this week lol, oddly enough, and if I ate maybe I would have felt stronger but I didn't feel like eating much, I think theres something wrong with me, and Im not sure if I should get worried about it or just get more sleep and eat better. I can't wait to get out of the city this week.... Im just antzy to go home. Its supposed to be hot; and I can't wait to go work on my tan at the beach! I even bought a new swimsuit this week.

So I pretty much had decided that I want to do a dts in Whitsundays Aus... they dont have dates yet for 2010 but they are gonna tell me as soon as they decide on some. Its the $9000 price tag that scares me... can anybody say " save money" any louder!?!?! lol I have officially quit both jobs in March, (which is the smartest thing to do when you need to save up money) then I'll move back home and get a NEW job, and hopefully that will help with saving...

In all this, TRUST is my biggest downfall... Trusting God used to be my spiritual strong point, I did awesome at surrendering and trusting God with everything, and now its definetly my weakest link....hence why I already feel discouraged about putting enough money together to go on YWAM... I've heard of lots of peoples glory stories about how God always surprised them and they always had enough....even writing this I just feel a big weight on my shoulders about whether or not this plan is gonna have wings or is just gonna fall in the ditch like everything else...Im having a Peter 'lack of faith' moment....
*interesting fact, as I sit here my roomate in the room next to me is talking on the phone in chinese, its sounds cool and I have no foggy idea what she is saying!

21 years ago

I was born....