21 years..con't

So when I was younger... like 10ish, I pictured myself to be in a way different spot then I am now. I reckoned back then that I'd be married with babies on the way by 21! But it wasn't to be I suppose. I had a great birthday, with many awesome friends that contributed to it. I still have a new birthday cheesecake in the fridge that hasn't been touched and the leftovers of another; it hasn't helped that I had no appetite this week... in fact ive been super weak this week lol, oddly enough, and if I ate maybe I would have felt stronger but I didn't feel like eating much, I think theres something wrong with me, and Im not sure if I should get worried about it or just get more sleep and eat better. I can't wait to get out of the city this week.... Im just antzy to go home. Its supposed to be hot; and I can't wait to go work on my tan at the beach! I even bought a new swimsuit this week.

So I pretty much had decided that I want to do a dts in Whitsundays Aus... they dont have dates yet for 2010 but they are gonna tell me as soon as they decide on some. Its the $9000 price tag that scares me... can anybody say " save money" any louder!?!?! lol I have officially quit both jobs in March, (which is the smartest thing to do when you need to save up money) then I'll move back home and get a NEW job, and hopefully that will help with saving...

In all this, TRUST is my biggest downfall... Trusting God used to be my spiritual strong point, I did awesome at surrendering and trusting God with everything, and now its definetly my weakest link....hence why I already feel discouraged about putting enough money together to go on YWAM... I've heard of lots of peoples glory stories about how God always surprised them and they always had enough....even writing this I just feel a big weight on my shoulders about whether or not this plan is gonna have wings or is just gonna fall in the ditch like everything else...Im having a Peter 'lack of faith' moment....
*interesting fact, as I sit here my roomate in the room next to me is talking on the phone in chinese, its sounds cool and I have no foggy idea what she is saying!