So its been what 9 weeks of living in the city? This is gonna be my piece of honesty blog. Im not convinced yet that I made the right decision to move to the city, not saying that its been all bad, but I just question it really often. (theres a reason why I come home EVERY weekend RIGHT after work on Friday.) I know that it was good for me to have the whole moving out experience, and yes im quite capable of supporting myself without my parents. Nannying is not as glamerous as it sounds, yeah when you break it down it has heaps of benefits compared to the next job, which are awesome, cuz really you do get to do anything you want when you want type deal, if u wanna be outside in the sun you can, if its cold and cruddy out then you can just sit inside, if you feel like being lazy you can do that, if you feel like getting out and going places, you just buckle the kids in and giver. But there are 2 biggies that get me wondering how long I could last.
A. Im so flippin lonely. Going 9 hours without having adults to talk to, is hard for me, some people really enjoy the alone time, but I can hardly hack it; cuz it gives me way way way to much time to think, to think about myself, and get frusterated and discouraged about my life, its happening way to much that Im just drive myself to feeling complete hopelessness. Its not cool.
B. The amount of pressure being the only person in charge, that was a beautiful thing about daycare, because you were a team of people, so if parents came in and got mad, it got directed at everybody cuz they dont actually know WHO to direct it at. Being a nanny, if things aren't right, theres only one person to point fingers at, of course if something goes right then you get the credit for that too. Nonetheless it keeps me in abit of a uptight mode, cuz Im always wondering if what Im doing is right. On a side note of this, its hard to know exactly what the parents allow and dont allow, because according to the kids "Mom always lets me" but I dont want to believe them cuz if she doesn't then IM gonna get in trouble for it, not the kid. So I find I have to be the big bad wolf ALOT, more to cover my own butt, so that I wont get in trouble for letting the kids have something that they shouldn't be having.
No doubt about it, all my kids aren't quite roses either, and I didn't expect them too, but I did think that after 2 months Id be a lil more bonded and sealed type thing. I got fired from one of my kids, they reckoned they didnt need a nanny and told me off, that was lovely coming from such a small mouth. Im pretty sure I had a pretty steller reply to that.
Im very thankful for my daycare experience, especially the learning how to cope, tolerate, IGNORE, and deal with flaming tempers or all kinds; and Im thankful for all my childcare experience, because Im learning how I am and am not gonna mother my children. I KNOW it will be different when they are my very own kids.But heres what I've often found- Stricter parents often have better behaved kids (Not stricter in the sense that they are always yelling at them, but just parents who set rules and teach there kids how to respect authority and have manners and dont give in to everything etc), where as lenient parents who let there kids rule the coop.... well and we wonder why things are the way they are.
Change of subject, Im having the hardest time deciding if I want to make my next Australia trip a month long, or if I want to move there. A month would be easier in the sense that it'd be just like a vacation, and Id pack all my highlights into 4 weeks.. but then when I come back home I'll be in the same shoes as I am now in the sense that I'll just really want to go back again. I feel like I almost need to go for a longer period just to "get it outta my system" plus I am young, and I am still super single, all my friends are married, engaged, or close to it- I really dont have a whole lot going on here thats holding me back. My only problem is that Im not sure what Id want to do there for a longer period of time, like what kinda job do I want. The only thing i really got going for me is heaps of childcare experience, I thought about maybe working in a daycare there.... anybody got any other ideas or place you know, or even like a volunteer tpye thing, or any oversea work programs? Ive kinda dismissed the aupair thing right now, just cuz im not sure If I could stand working and living in the same place, especially now that I know what nannying is like. I also have this looming fear in the back of my mind that going back to the same place just wouldn't be as good as the first time. Everything worked out so perfectly the first time around, and I know it wouldnt be like that again. To be honest Im scared that if I went back to Australia again it would suck. At the same time IM SO SICK OF ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT GOING BACK AND NOT ACTUALLY GETTING ANYWHERE WITH THE DECISION. but at this point I need to Gods help in deciding what to do and then figuring out which month, and then BOOKING those tickets, and sit back at look forward to it all! that is IF Gods cool with me going back, I really want to see my friends there again; and Im really ready for something fun and exciting in my life-I need something to look forward to...something that would include boarding a plane..?? :D yeah my foots ready to hit that gas when God gives me a green light.
On a positive note now, we got our bridesmaids dresses in for Sophias wedding,and I didn't have to get alterations which was nice. its interesting how for the most part I dont have to get alterations on bridal salon dresses which is odd for alot of people cuz they make those dresses with weird proportions so that often you have no choice but to get something taken in or whatever, but thanks to my weird figure it somehow just works. Now im working on the tan- today was step one, working in the greenhouse all day, got abit of color, now I just need to keep adding to it. Thank the Lord its the long weekend, I hope you are all enjoying it! All the best to those who are camping with the snow. :)
So long, 2019
6 years ago
