Stress much?

So I will start off by saying I realize and understand there are many many people in this world in a bigger predicament or whatever that word is then I am in now. But heres mine anyway...
I dont have a job except for Tuesdays and Thursdays starting next week. Fact: I can't even make my core payments on that.... Another fact: I DONT KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN. Another another fact: I dont like this feeling at all.
Last night I went and dropped off a cazillion resumes at the mall, because Im thinking I'd like to work retail for the remainder of my city time.... Most of the places said they were indeed hiring....so thus the waiting game of Will they actually hire me? starts. There is something EXTREMLY humbling about walking into a store and instead of shopping and blowing up money, going up to the clerk and saying "Im looking for a job, and am wondering if your hiring?" I was amazed at how nice some people actually were. Although the manager of Le Chateau made me wanna curl up and cry, but it got easier the more places I went. At this point I only applied at the places where I think Id like to work cuz I figured if I apply someplace that I dont really want to work at, chances are, those are the ones that will call me.
I do have a back up back up plan of more nannying... but I so badly need to get away from kids and couches.
Tonight I went to Soul's Solace, they had a car rally... it was quite quite fun!

God has something up His sleeve.. again

So today one of my boss moms (the 3 days a week one) told me she has a new nanny starting in... 2 WEEKS! thats 6 months to early! the other mom (2 days)still wants to hold on to me till March like originally planned... today is shock day... tomorrow the stress will come on full fledge! At this point Im actually just quite curious as to what God has in mind for me at this point. Im not a big fan of surprises, kinda like having things all mapped out for months on end, but it wasn't to be. I have many thoughts, but none that are hitting ground yet.......
NOW what!?

21 years..con't

So when I was younger... like 10ish, I pictured myself to be in a way different spot then I am now. I reckoned back then that I'd be married with babies on the way by 21! But it wasn't to be I suppose. I had a great birthday, with many awesome friends that contributed to it. I still have a new birthday cheesecake in the fridge that hasn't been touched and the leftovers of another; it hasn't helped that I had no appetite this week... in fact ive been super weak this week lol, oddly enough, and if I ate maybe I would have felt stronger but I didn't feel like eating much, I think theres something wrong with me, and Im not sure if I should get worried about it or just get more sleep and eat better. I can't wait to get out of the city this week.... Im just antzy to go home. Its supposed to be hot; and I can't wait to go work on my tan at the beach! I even bought a new swimsuit this week.

So I pretty much had decided that I want to do a dts in Whitsundays Aus... they dont have dates yet for 2010 but they are gonna tell me as soon as they decide on some. Its the $9000 price tag that scares me... can anybody say " save money" any louder!?!?! lol I have officially quit both jobs in March, (which is the smartest thing to do when you need to save up money) then I'll move back home and get a NEW job, and hopefully that will help with saving...

In all this, TRUST is my biggest downfall... Trusting God used to be my spiritual strong point, I did awesome at surrendering and trusting God with everything, and now its definetly my weakest link....hence why I already feel discouraged about putting enough money together to go on YWAM... I've heard of lots of peoples glory stories about how God always surprised them and they always had enough....even writing this I just feel a big weight on my shoulders about whether or not this plan is gonna have wings or is just gonna fall in the ditch like everything else...Im having a Peter 'lack of faith' moment....
*interesting fact, as I sit here my roomate in the room next to me is talking on the phone in chinese, its sounds cool and I have no foggy idea what she is saying!

21 years ago

I was born....

Rollerdancing

So ignore my cheezy titles, Im usually stumped when it comes to naming my blog entry, so I just write whatever comes to my head, its not meant to always make sense. Im currently being a lazy frog on the couch, when its perfectly nice outside and I could be DOING something,

I bought rollerblades the other week and have made it my new favorite thing. I put alot of blisters into the sides of my feet in the process of breaking them in. but with a bandaid and 3 pairs of socks it usually works fine. Its when your rollerblading that you find out how much Winnipeg's sidewalks SUCK, at least for rb. I haven't wiped out yet for which Im quite pleased with myself, the time I came the closest to it was going on the bridge over the red river. Some biker wanted me to move for them so I was going as close to the side as I could and I hit fine gravel, which doesn't work, nonetheless I went slamming into the rail, but I didn't fall!

The weekend before last I actually stayed in the city for the weekend, my 3rd stay since moving to the peg, and the 1st one that I actually enjoyed. I had the house to myself, and lots of things to do so it made it sucessful. This weekend I went home, on Friday night I went to Ty and Kelly's wedding social, my first ever social, and quite probably my last. I was very non menno and danced the night away. (mostly with the church ladies) I ended up having a surprisingly good time. P.S I dont drink, and did not drink. PPS. I love showing people that you can be wild and crazy and have a great time without alcohol in your blood.

Then on Saturday we painted the family room. It now is no longer white! its gorgeous, and made me think about being a painter. Its now brown and beige and beautiful.

Sunday we finally played Crocae (hhahaha no clue how to spell it just sound it out and you'll know what Im talkin about) and Bocce (Botchy) we usually play it often in summers, but this summer it just was hardly nice on weekends, so now we finally got to do it.

Today we took the kids to the zoo, which is just as much of a treat for me as it was for them. They got to have their first pony rides ever, I was very excited to be able to be with them for that.

I also talked to my boss about MARCH. March=The End. NEW BOOK. Driving away I was like.. wow did I just quit my job? But now both moms are on track I believe.
Im waiting to hear back from YWAM Whitsundays on their 2010 dates... but mainly for now the plan is to move back home and just save my lil heart out, and then fly fly away!

swarming thoughts

So my summer has been feeling abit more hopeful, I mentioned before that I really crashed after camp, after a few toughies God reached out his hand. I had a good talk with one of my bosses... and she told me that come March she wanted to put her kids into daycare cuz baby is 2 then. The news of being jobless probably couldn't have hit at a better time. All of a sudden the light was coming through the windows and my brain went into overdrive of what I could all do next year. and heres some of those thoughts

A: go to Australia for a month as soon as Im done in the city, and then go to Hawaii for a YWAM dts in Fall. This plan took exactly one sleep to get over, it just took a very slight amount of math to figure out that it would be impossible to do 2 trips in one year.

B: Do a dts in Australia

C: Do a dts in Hawaii.

I have already figured that I want to make my next trip one about me and God, we need it for our relationship. I've had alot of people around me be involved with ywam..and hearing about their experiences has really inspired me.

Hawaii is my runner up of Australia.. I've sometimes thought that I dont actually want to do ywam in a place that I've been before, and therefore had a bigger pull to do the Maui one.

This is still up in the air.

I had a friend tell me the other day how God is the one who gives you desires, and that just really inspired me all over bout OZ.

Today I had another friend challenge me on living now.. instead of just looking into next year for the excitement... enjoy life now, make the absolute most of where I am at this point in my life. Which is so true,

If I died now, Id die a nanny in Winnipeg, Nobody would know of all the things Im hoping to do in the future, they would just remember me for what Im doing now, and I wouldn't want to be remembered as the girl who hated Winnipeg and couldn't wait to get out ;P It is time to really soup this up.

My biggest question of the year though is this... How does one know if its what God wants you to do, or its its what you want to do, or if your just going by what the people around you are telling you, What voice do you listen too?!?!

One of my nanny moms was spray painting her banister the other weekend and somehow the spray paint got into the vents and spread throughout the whole house. Needless to say she is getting quite a house make over. They have been staying at a hotel, and so I get to take care of the kids there,..which means POOL TIME! yay! Last Thursday was really fun with them, I took them all to the resturant for breakfast, my baby proceded to drink every single creamer on the table, it kept him happy so I kept giving them to him and he was quickly addicted. It was very amusing. I let the kids order whatever they wanted off the kids menu, so they had slushies, and oreo pancakes and the like. Tomorrow we get to do it all over again. Hopefully the kids aren't too sick of the hotel life yet...

I bought rollerblades today, such a city thing to do lol. I was on a mission to find a pair that wasn't dumb expensive. I was thinking of going used, but I went to Canadian tire and actually found a pair, in my size that were an acceptable price, so I was pretty stoked, I haven't done much rollerblading, at least not outside of Wheelies, so my roomate and I went out for a spin, which was fun, Im very happy now that I bought them, it will be a fun way how to get more active. Today they rubbed a big blister into the side of my foot, and this evening I wanted to go out again but didn't make it far, the pain was just to bad. So hopefully things will all get healed up and I can break these bad boys in for a more comfortable ride. I can't wait till im a lil more in shape and fully comfortable on them, I plan to go places in this city with them.

So yes this is my life recap, it took for ever i know!

Life as I know it now

I've really fallen off the earth with blogging... I often start it up and then Im like nah I dont feel like writing anything now.. such as right now... believe me I got lots to put down, just not feeling like it today.
I do however wish I could have been at visitors night at camp today... I'll go on Friday, but still it would be cool to be there when its actually visitors night...
Soon pple... soon I will write a gooder

Camp 2009

July Winters

Happy 23rd Birthday Melissa!!!

Melissa is one of those people who blesses the people in her life, she's known as the tiny curly dark haired quiet girl, and people mistake her has being 12 which makes me probably more mad then it does her. Melissa is my sister, and therefore my leader in many ways. She's the best listener when you have problems and you need to spill. She's sensative and caring. She may be tiny but she's got a huge heart, and alot of spittin fire in her. I love her to pieces, she's the best big sister ever!

So I kinda fell of the train back there with my blogs, I wish it was because I have a very happening life, or am just oh so busy, or better yet I wish it was because I were at camp!!!

I spent last week at my favorite place in the country, Beaver Creek Bible Camp which was flippin amazing! I met amazing people, and re-met others, I have the greatest friends there, and it was so awesome to just be surrounded by so many cool people all week long, something I just dont get much of these days, for the first time in way to long I could finally feel Gods presence. I had a cabin full of amazing girls, and we were able to bless each other so much.

At camp I really felt like myself again, like myself and also was able to BE myself, just let loose. (which bascially means I acted like I was on crack all week lol) It was so refreshing and nice, all week I was a lil concerned that I would crash at the end of it all, for when I'd come back to the city but I figured Id be fine. I had so many people pray for me and just really felt that God was backing me up, Ya well not so much.....I pretty much crashed even before the week was over, and I just dont get it why that has to happen. I came back to the city and I actually feel like it was all just a lil whirlwind dream, I feel like God spoke to me at camp and then coming back to the city I feel like I left Him behind...

Im having a sucky week, just knowing camp is going on still, and I can`t be there drives me into a pit. I made a decision though, cuz this is the second year that its happened.. I think I gotta just make it priority to go for the whole summer. I just feel like I should be there, its where I belong when its summer. NONETHELESS Im super thankful that I got to at least do 1 week, some people dont even get that much. Yay for tomorrow when I can go back to the sticks, and possibly pay a visit to sweet BCBC. :)

On a higher note, heres some pics from my sweet as week! well actually this thing is being dumb about me draggin them down to the bottom here, so Im gonna just make a new blog entry and stick them in there

Summer made it

So summer finally came yay! so far its been filled with quality swimsuit time, Sophia's wedding, days at the Red River Ex with friends, fishing with Dad, and sleepyness... thats right never in my life have I been so tired from day to day to day, you'd think that there was something wrong with me. I think if I went to bed early enough to go with the early morning, I might cope better, but its not in my nature to go to bed when the suns still out! So I drag my feet all morning and wake up sometime in the afternoon, when the kids are all sleeping. Today I biked to work, it takes like 7 minutes opposed to the 2 minutes it takes to drive, and I had always said that my mon wed fri house I'd bike.. so yesterday i dragged my bike out. It was actually kinda nice, Im a sidewalk biker though, cuz A I dont have a helmet, ive never owned one in my lifetime, and B Im way to chicken to drive with the cars and would most definetly get killed. I just feel guilty going across the crosswalks, but whatever.

Yesterday was a planning day for me, I was in the mood to plan things, so I sat down with a pen paper and the internet, and planned my whole trip back to Australia via Hawaii, flights dates hotels the whole caboodle, got it priced out. Now I just need to go through with it... but I realize Im not just a lil scared Im SUPER scared that the second time around would seriously suck, cuz the first time was practically a movie, totally epic! Im also scared that my friends there would be different... like that we wouldn't actually be great friends anymore cuz life has gone on since... So I dunno now, either way I need a lil shove from God to get the ball rolling. Once I was done planning that I started planning my wedding.... a lil early I know, but with everyone around me getting married I think of ideas and I want to remember them when my time comes, so I started writing, it was really fun, I thought of colors and photographers, decorations, dresses and rings.. i know its subject to change though... when I get a man in the picture.

a tree makes my day

So Imagine the new roomates surprise when I hauled this awesome 9 foot big as palm tree into the house this evening!! I picked up the bamboo shades yesterday, the tree today, the torqoise walls were already in, and just helped inpire my tropical themed bedroom that much more, I love making rooms my own. This city bedroom.. feels like home.
Come visit me at my new pad! just off Pembina! in the Lake village. I love having friends over, just makes this all feel so much better. but dont worry mama, I'm still gonna show up on your doorstep on the weekends. I just might bring my tree with me, cuz I LOVE IT! now lets see if I can keep this bad boy alive.
p.s Good thing I have tinted windows as Im sure I would have gotton many a look as this palm tree was crammed into my car, all around my head, blocking windows etc. lol

Camera, Set, Background Action, Snot, Light up, Sniffle, Sneeze, Projectiles,home, party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just a quick note to say that since the last time I blogged, I've just really been trying to work on my attitude at work, towards work, towards the city, and just trying to put things back into Gods hands where it all belongs to begin with, and so this past week I had a lot better of a week. Not like all the drama melts away, Im just handling it a lil differently. Although I'll still admitt that I dont want to be a nanny forever, but in some ways I just dont think I want any job forever. I think I'll maybe always be abit of a job hopper, not in the sense that I dont know how to commit, but just more so that I tend to get restless after awhile, I dont like to look into the future and just see endless days at the same job, For now I'll blame this on just being young and still wanting to try many more things before I so call "settle down" I am actually hoping that one day I'll have a job that I love and am happy to do for years and years... until I have kids...lol
This weekend was a gooder. It started off wild and crazy with our 70s Dicso themed Bachlorette Party for Krista, in which we partied it up at the bowling ally, this is just a sneak preview as many of the pictures and happenings are not to be made public lol :D at least not at this point.

Note for the above picture: We were glow bowling, so i pulled my socks up high cuz they were so glowy and my pink scarf also glowed! ps. THOSE FEATHERS WENT EVERYWHERE. I left a trail of floating feathers wherever I tread.

We had a great party, it was a sweet time. I was really thinking I was gonna stay in the city this weekend ( Ive only stayed in the city one weekend since moving) But Saturday afternoon came and I was like welll.... I dont feel like moping around the apartment, I dont really feel like doing anything! except... you guessed it.. going home and chillin with my family.... at home. SO I threw a few things together and off I was to the country once again, I didn't tell my family I was coming, just kinda surprised them. My mom had said earlier this week that she really wished I would be home to help put in the garden. So much to her delight at my perfect timing, they were just getting ready to put it in when I pulled up. So I immdiately got put to work sowing the rows and rows of vegetables. I can't wait to go through picking fresh veggies off the plants. totally sweet as. Then Dad and I went fishing, (I bought a license a couple weeks ago, and since then every weekend we go fishing) out in the boonies, I had no faith in that ditch, we didn't see nothing, for forever, I just wanted to give up. all of sudden this fish jumped right by my line and I was like " DADDY" all freaked out that there was ACTUALLY a fish in this ditch and that I ALMOST caught it, and probably would have had I kept my mouth shut. Totally scared it off. Shortly thereafter my dad caught a huge one, and then a few minutes another one. SWEET. I however am one of the most unlucky fishers, and didn't get one. So my wait continutes to catch my FIRST FISH, thats right, I still do not have that picture of me holding up my FIRST fish. Then we went home to bed, as I could tell that I was coming down with a big doozer cold.

SUNDAY MORNING i got up bright and early, becuase it was movie day. I had been planning to be an extra on the Don Cherry Story movie for a couple weeks now, of course I had thought I'd find a bunch of pple who'd wanna come with me but nobody could.. SO I went at it alone, which was ok. It was being filmed in Selkirk arena, we were re-inacting a fight scene from a 1973 Hershy vs. Rochesters game. that Don Cherry was coaching and then later a hockey scene from the 50s when Cherry was actually playing. Thats right 2 Scenes. We spent so many hours doing the same thing over and over and over again, from different angles, etc. It was super cool at the beginning cuz you really see just how fake movies are, like the fights are totally choregraphed, everythings is completly planned out. right down to when to cheer, how loud to cheer, when to boo, how intense to boo, when to throw our popcorn and cups onto the ice. Note: the pple working on a set... wow. I'll never think the film industry is a breezy job again. Even things like the popcorn (which we werne't to eat) and the drinks.. we do the shot over and over again, just so that every things perfect, and they can piece together what they want. So every time they had to clean off the ice, pick up all the stuff and bring it back to the exact people who threw it, For example. I got picked to be a projecter, and I had the crinkled empty popcorn bag and the cup. (I was lucky i got 2 things) other people got a half full bag, or a full bag, but it was important that we got the same thing, so that it looked the same, it was amazing how much detail is put into everything. I now see why it takes a year or so to make a movie, cuz we spent 6 hours just on a short fight scene, and thats just the fight, thats not even the whole game, just the fight, and later it was just the body check, and later it was just the scuffle, and just when Don Cherry cross checks someone in front of the net, and just when they are all skating towards the other side, its all broken up into small pieces, which we do over and over and over again. It was cool though, oh and having Ace Burpee around all day was fun too. So awesome to hang with the guy thats the voice that takes me to work every morning. He's so funny, just by being himself. I was thinking all day of what I could ask him, so that I could actually have a conservation with him seeing as he was like 2 meters away from me for alot of it, but I couldn't really think of anything until after he left. I really want to know what time he has to get up in the morning to be on the radio alive and happy by 6 am. But as a side note, I was well into my doozer cold, and didn't have the spunk and energy I would have liked to have in order to speak to him, I didn't want attention drawn to my poor pitiful sniffling and sneezing self. So mostly I just stayed quiet for most of the day, met a few people. Talked to this lady who'd been married for 21 years, and her husband left her, just before she found out she has major cancer, she's had a bunch of surgeries, and now she has a tumor in her womb. I hope she makes it through, Now I can think of so many things i could have said to her, that would have been good witnessing, but of course I only think of these lines AFTer wards. I felt stupid telling her I was sick cuz my cold. I was like wow Sheila you dont even know what sick is compared to her.

I finally got up and left around 7:30, it had been a long enough day on the set for me. So I went home to bed. Im very happy I went, I was contemplating not going and just staying home with my family and trying to get better. But it was cool. I got to see Don Cherrys son, who looks a lil like him, I got to see what making a movie is really like, and what it involves, and I got to see Ace Burpee, which was fun for me. Cuz in my books he's pretty much a celebrity.

Today Im not any healthier.. Im really looking forward to being able to breathe normally again. Really really looking forward to it. Its when your sick that you realize how much you take being healthy for granted....