November 6, 2009

This was my day today, It consisted of 'surprise surprise', more job applications and having Subway for lunch cuz I didn't feel like having pasta.. again.

This isn't from today, but I carved pumpkings with the kids the other day and this is how mine turned out, nice and traditional.

The biggest thing I did today, or shall we say biggest in my mind, was a memorial so to say. I went to the airport and watched planes land and take off, and I watched the beautiful sunset. The reason behind my airport getaway, was that today marks the 2 year anniversary of coming home from Australia... I remember when I was there thinking ' Someday this will be years behind me, it will be just a memory' and time has flown by very very fast, and now it just seems like it was all just a dream.
But mostly I just can't wait to fly away again.

The sunset was just stunning, and kept changing, this picture doesn't really do justice.

In other news, Jeremiah, Jenna and I went bowling tonight, and I won , which was very good for my big woman ego.

Im planning to donate blood tomorrow with uncle Kevin bright and early, However I wont be surprised if my iron is out or if i faint afterwards. Or that my veins wont co-operate. I will however be very excited if it all works! cuz the one and only time I tried before it didn't. Must drink tons!

Breaking down

So I have been told and knew for the most part that I can handle stress and stressful situations well... but I have now learnt that I am human, and humans can fall apart.

It has been one month now that Ive just been working 2 days a week, and it sure hasn't been easy. Oh sure I've had many friday to monday long weekends and plus a day off in the middle of the week, which makes for lots of sleep ins, but its gets really old after the second week and down right frusterating by the 5th week. I find it interesting how when I compare this year to last year I find that my hardest months were the same. Especially October. October is officially my Annual bad luck with jobs Month. Last year I got fired in October, I got stuck on the beach and had to get towed out (fun story), and got a 280.00 speeding ticket all in a week. It was very bad.

Last week I had a horrible week, mostly the battle was in my head, but nonetheless it really sucked. Wednesday I figured I needed 'Jaymi time' Jaymi is one of my awesomest cousins and we are alike in many ways. Jaymi lives in Steinbach so I made a spontanious trip out there, had my Jaymi time and felt much better about living. The next morning I probably should have just stayed in bed..maybe called in sick or something, I was in such a wretched mood I probably could have hurt someone very badly. By the end of the work day, I was just fuming and boiling and knew I needed to get out of Winnipeg very quickly or I would surely murder someone. Its not like i had a specific reason for anything of this. But this is when I know that Im officially not keeping myself together, and Im no longer being good at handling my stresses. So I very promtly threw my stuff together and got out. After a Thursday to Monday long weekend, I have now cooled down some and am back in the city.

I will be finding out very soon if I got the nanny position I applied for, its sounding pretty positive. I know I wanted to expand my horizons get away from nannying and kids, but Im just getting desparate, and the paychecks better in nannying then at McDonalds. The biggest catch right now though is that I can get this job, which starts in the middle of November..and everything can be just peachy... until March, becuase come March my other house is done with me. But to start at a new house and only be there for 4 months seems like such a rip off to them, so then should I stay there till I go to camp for the summer? but then I'll be in the same shoes I am now.. trying to find a part time job to fill in the extra days.. This is just so stupid.. cuz when I make my decisions now, affects whats gonna happen next year. I started thinking this weekend maybe I'd just scrap this all and go be an aupair in Australia, so I went and checked that out.. and sure enough a family got back to me right aways wanting me to come and be their aupair (they have twin girl babies {I love twins}and live in sydney, are 2 minutes from the beach etc and pretty much the situation couldn't be more ideal).. i think its almost comical how I can't get a job in Wpg.. but how i could have one In Australia in January, but if I do that then Id really be giving up the whole missions trip idea.

So yeah pretty much my brain in like a pinball machine, with ideas, some sensible, some rash; and at this point I dont have any sense from God to show me what I should do, which is probably one of the most frusterating elements of all. I just dont know what to do, everythings just swarming like crazy....

On a positive note, Christy and I celebrated her 16th and my 21st at the Hecla Oasis Resort and Spa (A joint gift from our parents) on October 17-18.. We had a completly and wholly and wild and loud awesome time together. It was amazing, mostly because we made it amazing. We took a bucketload of pictures and put together halarious video coverage... now if ever I need a laugh I just watch one of our movies.. Here is a couple pictures from our weekend.. in random order

Getting ready to dash and dine! The next morning.. Definetly by far the best bed I ever slept in, you get to adjust how soft or firm it is by the press of a button, so fun! and Im definetly investing in feather pillows and blankets like that one day... or I'll just steal them from the hotels laundry room..
We did Fine Dining for dessert... mmm good. See video on Facebook


Christy and I

We got pedicures!

A Beautiful Day A Perfect Day Off

On September 24th, almost 2 weeks ago.. I had a very beautiful day. It was a very beautiful day in more then one way. It was a Thursday... and I had the day off from work, so I went out to Riverton cuz my car had to get new parts bla bla bla.. So after dropping off my car I went to the beach, because it was a beautiful day! Probably the nicest Sept. 24th ever on record. Usually its freezing. I took with me a bucket of nail stuff, a blanket, water, SPITZ and w.e else. I was set for an afternoon of pure quality time. It was the week that I found out I had 2 weeks left at my Bergman house, a thought that brought much stress. But on this particular day, I felt very stress free and had a blanket of God given peace draped over me. This made it a even more so beautiful day. I spent 4 hours on the beach that day, soaking up the last UV rays of the year, running, or frolicking on the beach I like to say, taking my sweet ol time painting all 20 nails on my body, SWIMMING , thinking, and taking pictures. For the most part I had the whole beach to myself... yes indeed it was a very beautiful day, and the best day off I ever did have.

Fun fact: It took at least 40 tries to get a air born pic... 40 crazy looking pictures till I finally mastered the timing... which happened by trying not to get the right timing.... good times I tell you...

Now tell me.... what do you do on your days off and lifes stresses are knocking on your door?

Job update: I stll have no job.. which means tomorrows a day off... Im down to 2 possible places at the mall... so maybe one will pull thru... hopefully! But yes the options are slimming down... not sure what the right thing to do is.... but I do have a heap of God given peace about this all... On top of everything I got a nice whammy cold :(

Everything will work out yet, I know it

Stress much?

So I will start off by saying I realize and understand there are many many people in this world in a bigger predicament or whatever that word is then I am in now. But heres mine anyway...
I dont have a job except for Tuesdays and Thursdays starting next week. Fact: I can't even make my core payments on that.... Another fact: I DONT KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN. Another another fact: I dont like this feeling at all.
Last night I went and dropped off a cazillion resumes at the mall, because Im thinking I'd like to work retail for the remainder of my city time.... Most of the places said they were indeed hiring....so thus the waiting game of Will they actually hire me? starts. There is something EXTREMLY humbling about walking into a store and instead of shopping and blowing up money, going up to the clerk and saying "Im looking for a job, and am wondering if your hiring?" I was amazed at how nice some people actually were. Although the manager of Le Chateau made me wanna curl up and cry, but it got easier the more places I went. At this point I only applied at the places where I think Id like to work cuz I figured if I apply someplace that I dont really want to work at, chances are, those are the ones that will call me.
I do have a back up back up plan of more nannying... but I so badly need to get away from kids and couches.
Tonight I went to Soul's Solace, they had a car rally... it was quite quite fun!

God has something up His sleeve.. again

So today one of my boss moms (the 3 days a week one) told me she has a new nanny starting in... 2 WEEKS! thats 6 months to early! the other mom (2 days)still wants to hold on to me till March like originally planned... today is shock day... tomorrow the stress will come on full fledge! At this point Im actually just quite curious as to what God has in mind for me at this point. Im not a big fan of surprises, kinda like having things all mapped out for months on end, but it wasn't to be. I have many thoughts, but none that are hitting ground yet.......
NOW what!?

21 years..con't

So when I was younger... like 10ish, I pictured myself to be in a way different spot then I am now. I reckoned back then that I'd be married with babies on the way by 21! But it wasn't to be I suppose. I had a great birthday, with many awesome friends that contributed to it. I still have a new birthday cheesecake in the fridge that hasn't been touched and the leftovers of another; it hasn't helped that I had no appetite this week... in fact ive been super weak this week lol, oddly enough, and if I ate maybe I would have felt stronger but I didn't feel like eating much, I think theres something wrong with me, and Im not sure if I should get worried about it or just get more sleep and eat better. I can't wait to get out of the city this week.... Im just antzy to go home. Its supposed to be hot; and I can't wait to go work on my tan at the beach! I even bought a new swimsuit this week.

So I pretty much had decided that I want to do a dts in Whitsundays Aus... they dont have dates yet for 2010 but they are gonna tell me as soon as they decide on some. Its the $9000 price tag that scares me... can anybody say " save money" any louder!?!?! lol I have officially quit both jobs in March, (which is the smartest thing to do when you need to save up money) then I'll move back home and get a NEW job, and hopefully that will help with saving...

In all this, TRUST is my biggest downfall... Trusting God used to be my spiritual strong point, I did awesome at surrendering and trusting God with everything, and now its definetly my weakest link....hence why I already feel discouraged about putting enough money together to go on YWAM... I've heard of lots of peoples glory stories about how God always surprised them and they always had enough....even writing this I just feel a big weight on my shoulders about whether or not this plan is gonna have wings or is just gonna fall in the ditch like everything else...Im having a Peter 'lack of faith' moment....
*interesting fact, as I sit here my roomate in the room next to me is talking on the phone in chinese, its sounds cool and I have no foggy idea what she is saying!

21 years ago

I was born....

Rollerdancing

So ignore my cheezy titles, Im usually stumped when it comes to naming my blog entry, so I just write whatever comes to my head, its not meant to always make sense. Im currently being a lazy frog on the couch, when its perfectly nice outside and I could be DOING something,

I bought rollerblades the other week and have made it my new favorite thing. I put alot of blisters into the sides of my feet in the process of breaking them in. but with a bandaid and 3 pairs of socks it usually works fine. Its when your rollerblading that you find out how much Winnipeg's sidewalks SUCK, at least for rb. I haven't wiped out yet for which Im quite pleased with myself, the time I came the closest to it was going on the bridge over the red river. Some biker wanted me to move for them so I was going as close to the side as I could and I hit fine gravel, which doesn't work, nonetheless I went slamming into the rail, but I didn't fall!

The weekend before last I actually stayed in the city for the weekend, my 3rd stay since moving to the peg, and the 1st one that I actually enjoyed. I had the house to myself, and lots of things to do so it made it sucessful. This weekend I went home, on Friday night I went to Ty and Kelly's wedding social, my first ever social, and quite probably my last. I was very non menno and danced the night away. (mostly with the church ladies) I ended up having a surprisingly good time. P.S I dont drink, and did not drink. PPS. I love showing people that you can be wild and crazy and have a great time without alcohol in your blood.

Then on Saturday we painted the family room. It now is no longer white! its gorgeous, and made me think about being a painter. Its now brown and beige and beautiful.

Sunday we finally played Crocae (hhahaha no clue how to spell it just sound it out and you'll know what Im talkin about) and Bocce (Botchy) we usually play it often in summers, but this summer it just was hardly nice on weekends, so now we finally got to do it.

Today we took the kids to the zoo, which is just as much of a treat for me as it was for them. They got to have their first pony rides ever, I was very excited to be able to be with them for that.

I also talked to my boss about MARCH. March=The End. NEW BOOK. Driving away I was like.. wow did I just quit my job? But now both moms are on track I believe.
Im waiting to hear back from YWAM Whitsundays on their 2010 dates... but mainly for now the plan is to move back home and just save my lil heart out, and then fly fly away!

swarming thoughts

So my summer has been feeling abit more hopeful, I mentioned before that I really crashed after camp, after a few toughies God reached out his hand. I had a good talk with one of my bosses... and she told me that come March she wanted to put her kids into daycare cuz baby is 2 then. The news of being jobless probably couldn't have hit at a better time. All of a sudden the light was coming through the windows and my brain went into overdrive of what I could all do next year. and heres some of those thoughts

A: go to Australia for a month as soon as Im done in the city, and then go to Hawaii for a YWAM dts in Fall. This plan took exactly one sleep to get over, it just took a very slight amount of math to figure out that it would be impossible to do 2 trips in one year.

B: Do a dts in Australia

C: Do a dts in Hawaii.

I have already figured that I want to make my next trip one about me and God, we need it for our relationship. I've had alot of people around me be involved with ywam..and hearing about their experiences has really inspired me.

Hawaii is my runner up of Australia.. I've sometimes thought that I dont actually want to do ywam in a place that I've been before, and therefore had a bigger pull to do the Maui one.

This is still up in the air.

I had a friend tell me the other day how God is the one who gives you desires, and that just really inspired me all over bout OZ.

Today I had another friend challenge me on living now.. instead of just looking into next year for the excitement... enjoy life now, make the absolute most of where I am at this point in my life. Which is so true,

If I died now, Id die a nanny in Winnipeg, Nobody would know of all the things Im hoping to do in the future, they would just remember me for what Im doing now, and I wouldn't want to be remembered as the girl who hated Winnipeg and couldn't wait to get out ;P It is time to really soup this up.

My biggest question of the year though is this... How does one know if its what God wants you to do, or its its what you want to do, or if your just going by what the people around you are telling you, What voice do you listen too?!?!

One of my nanny moms was spray painting her banister the other weekend and somehow the spray paint got into the vents and spread throughout the whole house. Needless to say she is getting quite a house make over. They have been staying at a hotel, and so I get to take care of the kids there,..which means POOL TIME! yay! Last Thursday was really fun with them, I took them all to the resturant for breakfast, my baby proceded to drink every single creamer on the table, it kept him happy so I kept giving them to him and he was quickly addicted. It was very amusing. I let the kids order whatever they wanted off the kids menu, so they had slushies, and oreo pancakes and the like. Tomorrow we get to do it all over again. Hopefully the kids aren't too sick of the hotel life yet...

I bought rollerblades today, such a city thing to do lol. I was on a mission to find a pair that wasn't dumb expensive. I was thinking of going used, but I went to Canadian tire and actually found a pair, in my size that were an acceptable price, so I was pretty stoked, I haven't done much rollerblading, at least not outside of Wheelies, so my roomate and I went out for a spin, which was fun, Im very happy now that I bought them, it will be a fun way how to get more active. Today they rubbed a big blister into the side of my foot, and this evening I wanted to go out again but didn't make it far, the pain was just to bad. So hopefully things will all get healed up and I can break these bad boys in for a more comfortable ride. I can't wait till im a lil more in shape and fully comfortable on them, I plan to go places in this city with them.

So yes this is my life recap, it took for ever i know!

Life as I know it now

I've really fallen off the earth with blogging... I often start it up and then Im like nah I dont feel like writing anything now.. such as right now... believe me I got lots to put down, just not feeling like it today.
I do however wish I could have been at visitors night at camp today... I'll go on Friday, but still it would be cool to be there when its actually visitors night...
Soon pple... soon I will write a gooder

Camp 2009

July Winters

Happy 23rd Birthday Melissa!!!

Melissa is one of those people who blesses the people in her life, she's known as the tiny curly dark haired quiet girl, and people mistake her has being 12 which makes me probably more mad then it does her. Melissa is my sister, and therefore my leader in many ways. She's the best listener when you have problems and you need to spill. She's sensative and caring. She may be tiny but she's got a huge heart, and alot of spittin fire in her. I love her to pieces, she's the best big sister ever!

So I kinda fell of the train back there with my blogs, I wish it was because I have a very happening life, or am just oh so busy, or better yet I wish it was because I were at camp!!!

I spent last week at my favorite place in the country, Beaver Creek Bible Camp which was flippin amazing! I met amazing people, and re-met others, I have the greatest friends there, and it was so awesome to just be surrounded by so many cool people all week long, something I just dont get much of these days, for the first time in way to long I could finally feel Gods presence. I had a cabin full of amazing girls, and we were able to bless each other so much.

At camp I really felt like myself again, like myself and also was able to BE myself, just let loose. (which bascially means I acted like I was on crack all week lol) It was so refreshing and nice, all week I was a lil concerned that I would crash at the end of it all, for when I'd come back to the city but I figured Id be fine. I had so many people pray for me and just really felt that God was backing me up, Ya well not so much.....I pretty much crashed even before the week was over, and I just dont get it why that has to happen. I came back to the city and I actually feel like it was all just a lil whirlwind dream, I feel like God spoke to me at camp and then coming back to the city I feel like I left Him behind...

Im having a sucky week, just knowing camp is going on still, and I can`t be there drives me into a pit. I made a decision though, cuz this is the second year that its happened.. I think I gotta just make it priority to go for the whole summer. I just feel like I should be there, its where I belong when its summer. NONETHELESS Im super thankful that I got to at least do 1 week, some people dont even get that much. Yay for tomorrow when I can go back to the sticks, and possibly pay a visit to sweet BCBC. :)

On a higher note, heres some pics from my sweet as week! well actually this thing is being dumb about me draggin them down to the bottom here, so Im gonna just make a new blog entry and stick them in there