Mid-life Crisis

Im not sure at what age your supposed to have a mid life crisis, I think its supposed to happen to men at the age of 45, like how women go into menopause and men have mid life crisis'.. don't quote me on it but I think I heard that somewheres...to be continued..

Australia was awesome, it was everything I could have wanted it to be and much more. It was so very good to be back there, and so very good to hang out with friends. It felt like I'd never left. The weather was great considering it was Autumn, and I got a good base tan for the summer :D To think, a month ago, I was on a sailboat...
I'll tell you this much.. sleeping on a sailboat, or maybe any smaller boat for that matter, is something unique. I don't know if I'll ever forget the feeling of that first night. I went to bed at 10pm, and fell asleep at 4am-ish. That was one night that I was begging God to calm the waves. Its an unsettling feeling (pardon the pun) to be almost rocked out of your bed, and because we were below deck, you can't see if the boat is actually about to tip over or if it just feels that way. Add a bunch of people snoring and things groaning and creaking and the sound of sloshing water, and that just about sums up my nights on that boat. An experience nonetheless.

Ive done a horrible job blogging... Im sorry.

My mid life crisis sums up something like this
I am 21.6 years old. Which puts me half ways to my 40's . I am young. This I know. I get told it very often. Especially when I make comments about all my friends being married, or not knowing what Im supposed to do with my life.. People take out their soothing voice and say..
"Don't worry Sheila, your still young"
I know.

Now lets go back a few years to when I was about 12 or 13. I looked at my future and reckoned this... I'd have a boyfriend at 16 (after all that was the ok to date age in my house) and then I'd get married at 19-20 and the kids would come a few years later. If I was lucky then somewhere in there I'd have a classy office job, and have a nice jolly life in my beautiful house, with a pool in the backyard of course. This is seriously what I thought, I kid you not. Its funny though now that I think of it, I never had it in my plans that I would travel, that only came to be after high school, perhaps my back up plan; seeing as the boyfriend didn't come at 16 haha.

The moral of this story is that Im very goal oriented, and I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to have my life figured out, or at least the next year of it (Unreasonable I know, but the pressures still there) I kind of get an idea of what my life should look like, I always have to have a plan, be it for next fall or next spring. hence my crisis of the hour.. What to do this fall??? Australia was my spring fling, but heaven forbid I dont have a plan for fall! If I had never ending dollars I would go on a missions trip this fall, the one I was hoping for starts September 20th.. Ideal. But I figured out while I was in Australia, that the reality of me saving up 10 grand over summer, just wasn't gonna happen, especially how its gonna take a couple more pay checks to pay off Australia's fun and games first. Perhaps my faith is lacking hardcore, actually thats not even a perhaps or maybe, thats a definate. Moving on..
Australia was a great break, it was a good way to end the year in the city, and an exciting start to a new chapter. Therefore I quickly had expectations that whatever I did now as 'post Australia' was gonna be exciting and good, no more moping-wishing I was in Australia stuff; I was gonna bring out my best attitude and start a new job with my best foot forward. Thus I got hired as Hecla Resorts Pool Girl. The first couple days were stellor, I was putting in overtime, and coming home all pumped with bunches of energy. Tonight I was coming home with tears, just to be brutally honest.
What gives?
I know this much... a huge part of it is the pressure, not just the pressure from my boss to "learn fast or f__ off" (learning fast isn't my specialty, being a slow learner is the reason that was given to me for being fired from that other job) but just the pressure I put on myself to be happy and to dig out a good attitude, and then theres the disappointment when things don't go as great as I thought they'd be.
I feel like Ive had enough of 'sucking it up and plowing through it anyway' as far as jobs are concerned. I know that I am fully capable of toughing out this job, just like before. No matter how much my boss or anybody else swears at me, or sleezy comments sent my way by drunken swimmers. I know I can.
But will I?
Should I?
I know theres no perfect job out there, Im not stupid, but somehow I feel like theres something else thats better for the kind of person I am, out there.

Anyway this is my midlife crisis, a bunch of raw emotions, its really late, I worked till 11 this evening, so perhaps these words are all laced with me just being tired, but this is just whats going thru my head now, and I felt like writing it down.

My lil rundown of Australia thus far

It's very surreal to actually say that Im in Australia, its one of those things that totally doesn't sink in while your here. My 18.25 hour flight went quite smoothly, other then the turbulance. I sat beside a nice couple, so that was an answer to prayer, something that Im always paranoid about before hand is what kinda person your gonna be stuck beside for that long of a flight, but it wasnt bad. Funny note about flying...*Theres always turbulance while Im in the bathroom. Fun stuff. I spent Easter weekend in Sydney, my friends came to pick me up in the airport, and we stayed at a rather dodgy hostel in Bondi Beach, however it was beachfront, therefore to me the dodgyness wasn't so bad. I absolutly loved the atmosphere at Bondi Beach-surfers all over, and everyone wearing lil sundresses, just the whole beach vibe thing going on, and tons of young tourists, love it! I was in Australia for mere hours before hitting the beach, and the waves.. such a happy moment. Unlike last time, I didn't feel jetlagged at all, which was awesome! I had heaps of energy that lasted pretty much the whole day. Saturday we spent at the Sydney Royal Easter show which is kinda like the red river ex times 20, we walked so much I got 3 blisters on my lil toe! It had everything, from rides, to horse shows, to rodeos, to show jumping, to dog shows, the worlds tallest horse was there, so I got to see him first hand, he's huge! there was soo many things to see and do it was balistic, the day finished off with stunt car guys, and whats the thing called when they have motorbikers pple doing back flips and tricks off crazy ramps? they had that too, and this huge crazy robosauras, aka this huge machine contrapction that was shaped like a dinasour and blew fire outta its face and picked up cars and snapped them in half etc. Finished off with awesome fireworks! The weather here is awesome, except for the times at the easter show when it was sunny one minute and bucketed rain the next, especially when your on top of the ferris wheel and can do nothing about it, It was nice. Sunday we went to the Sydney tower, kinda the same idea as the CN tower or Calgary tower, I didnt go to it last time, so this time I wanted to, and then we visted the dear Opera house and Harbour Bridge again, made sure to get some different creative pictures of it this time, seeing as I already took 50 pictures of it all last time. hasn't changed much. Then we drove the 5 hours back to Cooma... sweet Cooma- a town packed with tons of memories. Kinda sucks that pretty much all the people that were here before have moved away, so it makes it all different, but I will see most of those key people later on. I have walked more these last 4 days then I have all year I think... now Im working on putting all my pictures onto cds to clear off my memory cards, in 3 days I filled up 3 memory cards, Im like a japenese tourist I tell ya!

Leaving Tomorrow

So its only 4 minutes after midnight, but I can officially say that tomorrow Im leaving! This last weeks been a bit stupid- subletters bailing repeatedly, huge speeding ticket, getting holiday pay taken back??? income taxes going kablooey, I could write a country song. In there I packed up and moved home :) kinda tugged at my heart strings leaving my Lake Fall Pl, but now Im settled in at home, and its rather nice. Each day I've had a list of things to do, Yesterday I cleaned my car on the inside- its never been so dirty ever, but with having kids in it, it happens rather quickly, so when I say cleaned it, I mean its super clean, right down to the seat belts and upholstry lol; nice having it back to the way I like to keep it. Today was my buisness day, getting my car insurance switched over again, making sure my bank accounts ready to face Australia, credit cards a go if I need it, etc.. went to Gimli to get my taxes done, that didnt go so well, came home, crunched numbers AGAIN.. should be ok. Washed my car so that it doens't corrode away while it sits still for 5 weeks, made sure my cameras empty and charged, ready to go etc. Made a packing list, so that I dont lose my brain trying to remember all the things I need to bring. Made a flower pot in Mom's greenhouse, and sang my country song about how everything went so wrong the last while. Just came from my late night laugh fest with lil sister Christy, we were being immature, but its recorded.. haha play that at our weddings, hehe. Christy gave me money for a haircut as a going away gift so that will be tomorrow morning, and then its PACK PACK PACK! Im gonna try to bring less over there this time around, so that I dont bust my suitcase zippers trying to bring stuff back. I can't wait to fly!!!!! my favorite part of flying is take offs, best feeling in the world!
Im gonna try to put a few updates on here while Im in Australia, but honestly Im thinking theres gonna be more on facebook (sorry Hillary) just cuz I doubt I'll make time for sitting and writing when theres adventures to be had, wombats to be chased and kangaroos to be found!

Less then 2 weeks baby!

So, its seeming to me like this city isn't gonna let me go in peace, if its not one thing its another so it seems in the last couple days/weeks, financial scares to taxes to my subletter bailing out on me last minute. My subletter is the biggest thing, I've gotton a few responses to ads so thats a blessing. although I need someone to actually say yes and for them to be decent. So if you know someone, let me know! its all kinda scary, has my head whirling, and its keeping me from actually being able to look forward to Australia, cuz theres so many things that have to happen between now and then.This little shot of warm weather was awesome though in just boosting my spirits, plus Ive had a couple days off now, which is nice, yesterday I did lots of walking in the parks with friends,(3 different parks-3 sets of friends :) ) and lots of cruising with the sunroof wide open and the tunes pounding, chewing berry gum, ahh summer.. I do have a job lined up for when I get back, so thats huge.
My count down is at 13 days! I have 5 days of work left!

side note : When I had 40 days left till Australia I decided that I was gonna quit eating candy, junk food, sweets, pop etc. kinda like a lent type deal. I've done quite well, and have only cheated 2 times because once was cheese cake at baked expectations which is something i said i wanted to have at before i left the city, and the second time was when i was at someones for supper and they had cupcakes for dessert so I had one so that I wouldn't come across as rude, so both times I reckon it was alright. I also had a big slurpee yesterday cuz i had a coupon for a FREE one lol and hey it felt like summer, so what gives!? I even shaved off a couple lbs in the process of this, now imagine if I had ran everyday for 40 days.. haha I can only do so much at once. I actually did attempt to start running again last week, I went once but pushed myself too hard for too long, that I hurt my knee and my hips felt like they were falling outta their sockets, but my knee is the biggest issue right now, so so much for getting into shape before Australia, oh well the hills there will whip me right into it, provided my knee gets better before then.
Im off to our CnC potluck and prayer evening. Toodles!

21 days!

I leave in 21 days to go to my favorite place in the world! 9000 miles away! This last weekend was definetly my most pumped up one yet, I was trying on clothes and going through my stuff that I have bought and put aside for Australia, and I got sooo excited. Then I had a huge money scare on Monday, which made me actually have to think through my options and whether or not I'd have to cancel my trip, but after re-crunching numbers I figured I could still do it, its just gonna be real tight.Not to much can go wrong between now and then, and Not to many souvineer shopping :( and I'll definetly need a job asap after getting back. So thats made me timid to keep on booking things, but Im starting to get my zeal back. Today I booked my flight from Canberra to the Whitsundays Coast, my sailing/scuba diving tour is confirmed, I just need to decide on a hostel yet, and book my flight back to Sydney. Nonetheless things are coming together,
Just outta curiousity, who actually reads this thing? Im not sure yet if I will try to be a daily faithful blogger on my trip or if i'll just throw it to the wind and do mostly facebook, I know I want to do sort of a video diary type thing while Im there. Anyway my body is telling me to go to sleep earlier today, so Im gonna crash.

Stand In the Rain

This tree is standing in a rainforest in Australia, only picture I could think of that would go with the title of this entry :P

This is my 'most listened to' song of the week. Feel free to youtube it, as that would probably be much more interesting then reading it.



She never slows down
She doesn't know why but
she knows that when
She's all alone feels
Like it's all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
Raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through
everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

-SuperChick

This last year I faced alot of inner deep battles, and many times I felt like I was in a dark hole..

<--this picture is how Im feeling now, :)

The ladder was provided by God, as well as the sunshine!

Last week I shared my story at CnC-and it was a really unique experience, kinda theraputical, it was the first time I openly shared about my inner struggles of these last couple years and what events in my life made me into the person I am now, I didn't sugar coat nothing, and it was special. Everybody has a story, even good little church girls :)

Whats your story? What events shaped you into the person you are today? How did things affect you? What hurt/s the most? What was the best thing that ever happened to you? Where did you stand with God back then? and where do you stand with Him now? Whats something you dont share with many people?..

I found the most interesting part of writing out my story, was how one thing tied into the next, I found a couple ties I had never thought of before, kinda aha moments.. or more like 'well no wonder i am the way i am' moments. It felt good to be able to get it out.. and find out later how some other people have gone through the same stuff.

The quitting speech never gets easier

So today I told my boss that Im leaving... I think its about the 5th time that I've had to make that speech, not sure what that says about me... except that Im a quitter maybe? lol nah my boss was super good about it,and now I can finally breathe a sigh of relief that I dont have to worry about how or when Im gonna tell her. I feel like NOW that I got someone to sublet my house, and got this outta the way to, I can properly look forward to Australia, Just gotta book a few things for that too. This month is gonna fly though, as Im coming to the realization that its time to start packing up my stuff and slowly move it home, as there is only a 4 day gap between my last day at work in the city and the day I leave for Aus, and Im moving home in those days too.It'll be kinda hectic. This weekend my dyin palm tree is gonna get to go to a more palm tree friendly house, and I think the Christmas tree should go too.
Today I feel almost completly stress free.. nice :) I went for x-rays tho.. that was awkward, and I kinda doubt they will actually see anything. I think its a mystery pain that will probably be for always, cuz the doctor was not very insightful either, he didn't touch it or nothing just asked about 3 questions, and said to take advil 3 times a day and go get xrays.. I honestly think he's was just as stumped as me. Whatver the case Im choosing not to be worried.

A Polar Bear Swimsuit Shopping

I spent a couple hours in the walk in clinic today, I made sure that I had nothing better to do first of course. I got a mystery pain in my rib, so docs sending me for x-rays, should be fun!

After that I went swim suit shopping-which I reckon is in the top 5 hardest things to shop for, nah make that 3, but I needed/wanted a new one for Australia, cuz my other newest one got all yellow from the hot tub :( bummer when that happens. Anyway to make this quick, I went in there and was super excited to find about 6 suits that I thought were absolutly adorable, and quickly went to try them all on, which consists of putting them on and looking at the mirror analzing the suit and your body and if they look good together for about 15 minutes each suit give or take lol.. I dont know if it actually takes me that long but I know I take forever to make decisions-nonetheless at 80-90 bucks of non-returnable merchandise you wanna know your getting the best one. The moral of my story is that today I felt like a polarbear shopping, cuz A-Im so white which seems to happen in winter when your body hasn't seen the sun for 4 months, and B-well lets just say this polarbear packed a lil bit of winter insulation on, which makes swimsuit shopping kinda yuck.
p.s i bought a white and pink and silvery sparkly one.
p.p.s Im sure the girl in the above picture doesn't have problems swim suit shopping, or at least not the problems i have haha

Tomorrow Im telling my boss that Im leaving, which makes me have a big knot in my stomach-I believe that every time I've made this quitting speech it gets way harder. I hope one day I will have a blazing shining happy attidude about my job and that Ill like it so much that I will stay for years and years! I think they call that a career and not just a job. I plan to put more thought and prayer into that while Im lying on a beach in Australia.

43 days

44 days!

SO I seem to be doing very good at only blogging once a month, on the other 29 days I think of all the things I want to write on my blog, but when it actually comes to sitting down, somehow it just doesn't happen. Things for Australia are falling in place quite nicely... I just have to book my sailing tour, and in-country flights.
If theres anything that makes me SUPER UBER pumped about going back, its phoning up my friends down there, and hearing them get excited about my return as well. Todays phone call was extra awesome, I hadn't called up Luke yet to tell him (FIY Luke is the first Australian outside of the camp I was working at that I met on my first day in Aus last time, he gave me a town tour) so I did, also wished him a happy birthday, and he told me that HE's moving to Canada in October for a year, this makes me happy.
I had no weekend this weekend, I worked Saturday Sunday and today housekeeping at the resort at Hecla, cuz they were really busy for Valentines-a great preview as to whether or not i'd like to work there this summer.... and Im thinking maybe not at this point, even though theres some good lookin cooks in that place ;) tomorrow i head back to nannying, no rest for the restless! I have to tell my one boss this week that Im quitting, I've had a knot in my stomach for a week already thinking about it, You'd think it should get easier after making that speech like 4 or 5 times, but it sure doesn't. Definetly one of those things I can't wait to be done with, and hey if YOU or someone you know wants a nanny job, let me know, I'll hook you up! I do wish I could help these moms out with that as to not just leave them hanging.
Anyway I told myself I'd only blog till 11 and its 1105, and I must get some sleep.
toodles!

I left my heart downunder... and Im going back to get it!

Its all in the title.. although I reckon I could elaborate. Sorry about the wait, Firstly I wanted to tell certain people in 'person' before I blabbed it all out on fb and here. Second of all I left my laptop cord at my parents, so I had a dead computer all week which doesn't really help the situation.
But here I am, to say wildly and freely, that I AM going back to Australia, and my ticket IS booked, and I am FLYING (WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) back to the land downunder. After confirming it all, it was funny how more then anything else I just felt relieved, I have yet to scream and yell and jump around the house... its more of a quiet smile inside of me. Its no longer a question of if or when it will happen... which makes me feel calm.
I left my heart in Australia...not literally.. its still beating inside me, I've used that statement a few times though in the last two and a half years, more so meaning that I just haven't been able to get over that awesome country. I promise you I thought of it everyday for 2.5 years.. and have had about 20 dreams about it(like when im sleeping)As my parents would say "She just needs to go back just to get it outta her system" Im not sure that going back will actually get it outta my system, but I hope to try, I am gonna make a huge effort to soak up every single day, make the absolute most out of each of the 33ish days that Im there, remember how much I miss it when Im home, and to bring my heart back with me at the end... so that instead of going through droopy years of Australia withdrawl.. and I can come back and FOCUS on something else. I feel very ready to focus on something else, Save Up for something else.... like a missions trip....?

Facts of the matter:

1. Im flying out March 31st.. at around 8 in the evening, land in Vancouver 3 hours later.. Then at 11:45pm vancouver time, I head out o're the ocean. Kinda sucks abit that all my departing flights are in the dark. I may or may not land in Honolulu for a fuel up, just like last time.. It doesn't show up on my itinerary, but it didn't either last time, so I'll find out later I guess if it will happen or not.
2. Im going to visit all my besties, thats my main focus of this round 2, I just wanna see my favorite australians again, and I can't wait! hugs all around!
3. Fly up to Whitsundays Islands area, If I had to pick a favorite place on the east coast, it was the Whitsundays, Im planning on going on a sailing/scuba diving live abroad tour, up in Whitsunday Islands, 3 days and 3 nights on a sail boat, one day spent on the Great Barrier Reef, I also wanna sky dive in the whitsundays as well. :S If I survive that then I will...
4. Fly home on May 4th.

So thats the low down on my Australia Round 2! I have many mixed emotions, actually kinda stressed about it all, altho I think once I have everything worked out I'll be able to sit back and just look forward to it proper like. I know and am very mentally prepared that the second time around is gonna be really different, maybe not quite as astoundingly awesome as the first time, but hopefully just as sweet in a different kind of way :)

A day to remember

its booked.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

It's the most wonderful time of the year...! so goes the song. I really love Christmas alot, I really do. I love the crazy, festiveness, shopping for those perfect gifts, packing my December calender with Christmas parties and family gatherings, baking Christmas cookies, eating nuts and heaps of candy, and I love that the reason we celebrate this holiday is because of a baby born in barn, who saved me.

I had a wonderful Christmas, with 10 days away from work, I chose to spend every single one of those days out in the sticks, where I could take late night walks out underneath the stars, and go skating on ponds out in the boonies, and most of all spend time with my family, and just take a break from life as I knew it. Nothing clears my head and gets me focused again then going home and being with my family, they pick me up time and time again, and I just feel way happier out there in the sticks with my wide open spaces.

I will make mention of 3 of my presents..My grandma knit me the most comfortable sweater I ever did have, its big and cozy and beautiful, like a hug. I got picture frame collages which I was pumped about, and I really enjoyed picking and printing pictures to put into them, and I got a fleece sheetset. Think about the thickest and fuzziest pajama pants you ever did have, and make that into a pillowcase, fitted sheet, and flat sheet. Mhmmm, its bliss getting into bed now. I purposely left it on my bed at home, cuz I knew if I brought them to the city I would for sure never get outta bed on time to go to work.

I had bunches of family gatherings, and enjoyed them heaps. Im so blessed with such an incredible family and extended family. It was a most wonderful Christmas.

Happy New Year!

They say how you spend your new years is a hint to how you will spend the rest of your year. I found this partially true when I think about how I spent 09's new years, I spent it with a bunch of friends, who were there for me time and time again throughout the year.

The first day of this year I tried something new, and attacked it with fury lol, I went snowboarding, and it was quite epic. I fell much, and was in much pain by the end of the day and even more the next day, but now Im almost all recovered except for the massive bruises I aquired.

I can use learning to snowboard as a good analogy of how this year might go.. try new things, chase after new experiences, sometimes they won't work out, and sometimes I'll get hurt, but God will always heal... something like that. Mostly Im just trying to keep a very open mind and not making any predictions about this year, and heaven forbid I make any new years resolutions. NaDa... this year is in God's hands, and what I will and will not accomplish, only He knows. My prayer is that I will be able to fully and completely surrender each season of it to my Father.

May 2010 be a most epic year for all of you as well!